The Boy Friend (who is) Gay (I'm a BFG!)

To begin, I hope you enjoyed my allusion to Roald Dahl's famous children's novel--The BFG (Big Friendly Giant). I do not mean "boyfriend" in the language of the world. Read onward to see to what I am referring.

One of my female friends made a rather interesting comment that sent my mind into a world of contemplation. She said that she had always wanted a gay guy friend. She did not explain or expand upon this statement much, but I chuckled slightly inside and felt happy for her. :) This comment came up in my mind again multiple times throughout the ensuing week, and I consistently felt what I perceived to be the irony in this typical situation. Why is it that homosexual males, most of which I would venture to say struggle with serious issues of male affirmation, are the object of heterosexual females? As I pondered, I thought that there was little to no hope for males with same-gender attraction to find and feel valued by those male friends that we need so much. I was happy that at least we could feel wanted by someone, but one of the last things that I personally need or desire is another straight girl relationship.

The Holy Spirit helped me resolve this internal worry that my friend's comment had made. I was frustrated with the entire nature of relationships as it relates to male homosexuals, and I wondered if God had given us any tools with which to change our insecurities and make the friendships that can heal and help us. I received a rather strong answer this week, and it has helped me to once again see the beautiful hand of God within my life. I have no idea as to how I am to explain this to a reading-only audience, so please bear with me as I explain yet another random, odd, Sully phenomenon.

God assuaged my doubts and showed me some wonderful truths that are made manifest within my life by multiple males. The whispering of the Spirit that I received in relation to the above-mentioned mental predicament was that guys, as well girls, want a gay guy friend. Before you stop reading this because of the ridiculous lie I just published, let me explain myself and add some qualifiers. These men most likely do not know or believe this consciously, but I believe that God places within them, as within us, a desire to have male relationships. When we, or when I, can come to terms with my inherent value and identity as a male, I can be of benefit to male friends, and I believe I, as well as all who so desire, can do so to a greater extent simply because the acquisition of male qualities and friends is so prevalent upon our waking minds. I will explain in personal terms, so glean what you may from my own experiences.

I have three friends in particular that came to my mind when I was internally accepting the statement that guys want a gay guy friend, as well as girls. The first, and most obvious one that came to my mind was that of my best friend. He and I have a relationship that is unlike any other, and we commonly joke about and are grateful for what we have. He refers to us as "sensies," meaning males who are sensitive. He does not know of my struggles with same-gender attraction, and I fully intend to keep it this way. I trust him entirely with this secret, but the fact that our relationship exists under the pretense that we are both straight males has given me a wonderful opportunity to explore male bonding, even if we're both "sensies." (How would you spell that? It's supposed to be pronounced as if it were the first part of the word "sensitive." :) ) This friend is very open to telling me that he loves me and to being openly affectionate, and the time that we spend together is indispensable. I know that he appreciates having a friend with whom he can be open and sensitive.

The other two males that came to my mind in an answer to my questioning really helped the Spirit to further prove its heavenly message in individual ways. The first is a friend who waits for me at my locker frequently. We enjoy our time together, and we are often found together in between classes and at other various times. He enjoys what I have to offer as a guy, and thus he hangs around me frequently. The second friend is a case in point, and thus I will end with his example. He is the star running back for our high school football team, but he loves to give me hugs. He is an extremely nice guy, and there is no doubt in the mind of any sane being at our school as to his heterosexuality, but he gives me hugs all of the time. I firmly believe, after extended reflection on this entire topic for more than a year, as well as the recent spiritual confirmation that I recently received, that these guys love having a man with whom they can be sensitive and intimate, used in the holiest sense of the word.

This is the hope of all of us who struggle with same-gender attraction. As long as I can assert my own masculinity in the world of men, to whatever degree, I can have men reciprocate my feelings. And unique to me, and other homosexuals who desire to live the Lord's law, is the desire to have a strong bond and a closeness with these males that includes no physical intimacy. (I am being a gay-elitist!) Because of the holes that my life contains in regards to healthy male relationship fulfillment, I actively pursue my friendships with the guys, and they appreciate the variety and difference that I add to their life. I'm different, I'm unique, I'm sensitive, I'm the unknown, and they are drawn towards that. I say this not to boast but to praise God that He has given me help and healing right where I need it.

The moral of this story--watch out, world! Girls and guys want gay guy friends, and here I come!