Wednesday, January 10, 2007

A Word is Worth a Thousand Pictures

Have you ever simply heard a vocal artist's voice and known that you were going to be in love with that individual, only to find out later that they are unattractive to you? For me, the sheer quality and other characteristics of a voice can be enough to bring me to my knees, but although my ears may be in love, my eyes are far from it. I wish to share this odd problem of mine with the world, perhaps in hopes that I may find another who suffers from a similar superficial issue. I feel ridiculous that this is my plight, but I suppose journaling (or blogging) can only be a good first step in solving the problem, right? We'll find out if I'm cured by the time I'm done writing...

I have only experienced this instantaneous, vocally-based attraction to three individuals in my entire life. Thus, I value their music as the best in this world. They are, in no particular order:

1) The lead singer of Rascal Flatts, a country/pop music hybrid. The band had my attention when I first heard "What Hurts the Most," but I was entirely captivated when I heard their redo of "Life Is a Highway." Especially during the chorus, this man's voice is incredible, for lack of a stronger word. I had rather high hopes that, in some idealistic world, he could be mine and sing to me daily, hourly, eternally. Besides the obvious impediments (need I name them?), I believed that we could be together forever. However, I saw him for the first time in my life, and he strangely enough looks like a penguin/squirrel crossbreed. *Sigh*

2) The lead singer of The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. This band was one of those that came into my life, swept me off my feet the very first time I heard "In Fate's Hands," and has never let my feet back down to beloved land, which I am beginning to miss dearly. I think this singer's most incredible vocal moment is heard in their song "False Pretense," for any who may be looking to have a similar experience to my own. Unfortunately, when I saw him, he looked hauntingly familiar, and I quickly identified the look as that of the Hanson brothers, the icons of the 90's that had us all "Mmm-bop"ing to life. The long hair just doesn't do much for me, although I am currently blaming the lighting for this man's odd facade.

3) Mariah Carey. She is one of the most talented vocalists that I have ever heard. In one song, "Emotions," I believe, she hits high notes that were previously not believed existent. I also think that she can sing lower than I can. That, however, is beyond the point. She proved to be the one artist who was as beautiful as her voice. The vocal connection was instantaneous, but when I downloaded the artwork for her albums, I saw that her marvelous voice was backed by much beauty.

I like to point out the morals of my stories so that even the thick-headed may gain wisdom from them. Thus, the moral of this story? It is always better to trust your straight instincts than your gay ones.

Oddly enough, I do believe I'm overcoming this problem as I write. How fortunate. Of course, that could just be the soothing sound of Mariah Carey calming all of my fears...


Samantha said...

You have straight instincts? Who knew???

Are you insinuating that I have them, as well?

Does this mean that I can be in love with Mariah Carey (after all, she's closer to my age than yours...)?

If a singer has long hair, is he/she more attractive to men or women?

Does the gay gene exist?

What makes the sky blue?

How do I process all this information???

I'm so confused...

Rebecca said...

Way funny! I KIND OF have a similar thing with voices, only I usually think the person is fantastically attractive (although I don't think I would if they had different voices). Also, it's more for speaking voices. My two favorites are Vin Diesel and Alan Rickman (yeah, that's right - Alan Rickman. Shut up).

pinetree said...

Happy Birthday, Sully!

Tolkien Boy said...

Well, what can I say? Michael Buble has both an excellent voice and is tremendously I can't feel your pain as much as empathy would suggest I need to.

However, I'm thrilled that it's your birthday. Have a good one!

-L- said...

Happy birthday, you fully independent adult, you.


Another Other said...

Hey, happy birthday! Hope it was awesome.