S.A.D.

I am not one of those people who whines about Valentine's Day. I have friends who hate it because it represents corporate America, and they hate corporate anything. I have friends who hate it because they are perpetually single, and they prefer to mope and complain instead of simply learning to be kind and hygienic and finding a girl/boy with whom they could make something work. I am not one of any of these groups, but for the first time in my life, I'm actually worried and slightly sad about tomorrow. The S.A.D., by the way, stands for Singles Awareness Day. Amnesty International, at my school, calls it "Love Everyone Day." I admire all of these attempts to spread love to the partner-less.

Why the sadness for me, you ask? I'm sad because I have helped multiple friends buy carnations for that girl that they notice, or create plans to leave someone an anonymous love note, or help them prepare a meal for their girlfriend of "x" number of months, and it occurred to me that I would love to do this, as well. I've had a secret love for a year and a half now, and that deserves some credit, especially considering the typical high school tendencies of two weeks romances. I would love to let this guy know, anonymously of course, that I care for him. I have a lot of thoughts, and I need some feedback. Thus, I pose some questions that I hope solicit answers from all who feel inclined to respond:

1) If someone of the gender to whom you were not attracted left you something for Valentine's Day, would that offend you? You see, I personally think not, because I love it when girls give me things, even though I'll never like them as they like me. However, I want to know what you think.

2) An odd question, but one worthy of asking: is it sinful (in the Mormon religion), do you think, to give a gift to a young man who will never reciprocate your feelings or even find out? There is less than a 1% chance that the guy that I like is gay, and if I ever gave him something, it would be 100% anonymous/secretive, so is it sinning to do so? Does that count as "homosexual activity"?

Part of me would love to do this because Valentine's Day is special, and I don't want sexual orientation to exclude me from the fun and festivities. I deserve to have that adrenaline rush as well, right? The cool thing is that my dad is so amazing and loving of me that I could probably tell him that I was leaving roses on the hood of some guy's (well, David's) car, and I think he'd let me do it. Dad, I love you. :) But the other part of me says, "Wow, this is ridiculous. You can waste your money, make a fool of yourself, and embarrass the poor kid who will find out in the next life, as God chastises me, that I left him the roses, not the cute girl he was hoping." I'd love any ideas on this.

I really am not planning on doing anything, but when my friend asked me what I was doing for Valentine's, my poor mind just started wandering. *Sigh* It's so hard to be gay.

A Terrifying Comment

A few days ago, our ward's missionaries stopped by my house to bid me farewell. They were both to be transferred, and as I had worked with them frequently, they wanted to say good-bye. We got into a conversation that somehow drifted toward the subject of homosexuals. (It seems like a lot of conversation ends up there, oddly enough.) One of the missionaries made a comment that stung, not simply because I personally have feelings of same-gender attraction, but just because of the sheer ignorance of the statement as evaluated on any level.

"Who do you think committed the worse sin," he asked, "the men who tortured and killed a man for being gay or the preacher that marries gays in Massachusetts?"

He then went on to explain how one party had sinned against man (the torturous men) and one had sinned against God (the preacher).

Ouch. Those things hurt. A lot.